1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
