Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
