I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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