i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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