just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
