we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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