hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
