Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
