Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
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