ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
All I want is dick and wine.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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