I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
