wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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