My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
