walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I think my moral compass just broke
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