i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
