Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
