These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
