the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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