after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
