I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
