He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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