I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
