I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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