At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
