I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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