I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he laminated a picture of his dick.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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