Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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