plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
