i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
