With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
