I accidentally burped into my bong.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You made out with two different species that night
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
