He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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