i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
