Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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