her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
