So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
