Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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