The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
