clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
