I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
