No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
