every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
