Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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