alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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