Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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