Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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