I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
