Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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