If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
