Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
